Morning comes far too early with Rob Stapleton's watch beeping incessantly at 6:00 AM. The plan today is pretty straightforward: gear up, load up, and meet at the trail head with the drivers, shot-gunners and camera crew.
At 9:00AM, we have circled the wagons and we are ready to go, but it's already pushing upper 80's in the sun, and the humidity is high. Ten extremely well-built rigs push up the dusty dirt roads to conquer the three obstacles we plan to take on today: Fain's Ford, Slickrock and School Bus.
We are only ten minutes down the dirt road, and we have our first glitch. Ian Johnson calls out over the handheld radio that he needs to tend to a transmission cooler problem. While walking over, I notice his front shock dangling in the breeze. The lower shock bolts have ripped out of the bracket. Rob Stapleton, Troy Slaughter and I begin our repairs while Ian bypasses the leaking transmission cooler. Ian and Jessi have quite literally just finished building their rigs, and this is the shakedown run for their two project rigs, "Cheap Jeep" and "Project AJ".
Our 10 rigs pass easily, but slowly, through and over Fain's Ford, a 2 foot-deep water crossing with a 5-6 foot vertical cliff to climb on the other side. This is nothing too difficult, but it's a good warm-up for the rigs. Most rigs take the opportunity to stretch their suspension, try more difficult lines and enjoy the warm morning. They pause for photo shoots and take several runs at the same obstacle for TV. The participants are starting to comprehend what "TV Time" is. Two hours of filming for what may be a few minutes of airtime. At the top of Fain's Ford we pause for some snacks and to plan the order of which the rigs will run up to the infamous Slickrock obstacle.
Ten more minutes into the dirt-road trail and Project AJ suffers from fuel delivery problems which are caused by fuel lines routed too closely to the exhaust manifold, and a loose alternator pulley, part of the onboard welder. AJ is a well-built rig with some of the best off-road products available, but this is the first time it's been out of the studio, and the lack of a shakedown run is taking its toll. The handy fix-it crew (Rob Stapleton and Troy Slaughter) and I work feverishly on the problem. The prognosis; the alternator's retaining nut has stripped the threaded shank. We try flaring the shaft, but to no avail, it fails again. Ken Carter's comes to the rescue with his hand-held welder and we go to work.
Knowing that we can't work on an empty stomach, Troy Slaughter sparks up the ol' barbeque and cooks up some tasty dogs, brats and hot-link sausages. Out come the ketchup, mustard, potato salad, drinks, chips and more. Turns out Mr. Goodwrench is also Emeril Lagasse - sans the "Bam!" of course. Troy has now been dubbed the official camp cook, probably our best executive decision we'll make on our 3-day off-road adventure - more on that later.
| Working the Problem - Sans the Hunger |
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Our trailside fix doesn't take and Ian and Project AJ are unfortunately done for the day. Tellico has claimed its first victim for the trip, and with the help of Ken Carter and his well-built '98 Jeep Cherokee, they limp it back to the hotel for some next-day early morning repairs.
The 8 remaining rigs press on, pausing on various obstacles for more photo shoots and TV filming. Onward we push towards Slickrock, but the day is drawing on and it's now hotter than Anna Kournikova in a fur thong. Moe, Xtreme 4X4's camera man, and I are sweating like Mike Tyson in a spelling bee. It's hot, it's humid and for the most part, it's miserable. But, we're wheeling one of the best trails in the southeast and life doesn't get any better than this.
Slickrock
At nearly 4 p.m. we make it to Slickrock. The base of this run is a muddy, gnarly path strewn with rocks ranging in size from large dogs to boulders bigger than your Yugo. It's twisty, curvy and slippery at the bottom, which requires the driver to utilize the 'art of bump', mixed in with a healthy amount of throttle, patience and tenacity. It's technical, but not impassable.
Once past the first rocky section, Slickrock opens up to a colossal-sized rock face that is smooth, uneven, rutted and off-camber. Years ago, I was told, this was nothing more than thirty or so foot wide rock face, but it's grown considerably from rain and tire-spinning induced erosion. It's now roughly 40 feet across and some 150 feet long.
The faint-of-heart need not apply here, there's no cheater-line or easy bypass. The left side is maybe a bit easier, but not by much - it's only slightly less off camber. To ascend, it's a bumpy ride up to the top which requires a precise amount of throttle, speed, careful steering, and driver's finesse. It's all about finding the right line that provides the least amount of tire slippage.
Fearless show host, Jessi Combs, leads the way up Slickrock in project Cheap Jeep. Up until she crests Slickrock, most wondered if Cheap Jeep would hold up to the arduous Tellico trails, or if Jessi had the vigor to make it happen. Many were quickly proven wrong as Jessi drove Slickrock as if she had a hundred times before. Cheap Jeep however suffered from an aging and worn-out clutch linkage that required several fixes throughout the rest of the day. Regardless, Jessi defeated the obstacle in short order, which was a feat even more amazing, given the fact that Cheap Jeep had stock gears, a worn-out engine and is stick shift.
Tom Spychalski, Producer and Director of Xtreme 4X4 TV, rides shotgun in Dave Andersen's '67 Green Bronco, which chooses the right side of Slickrock - the more difficult side. The Bronco's throaty small block bucks up Slickrock in classic, veteran form and it peaks the obstacle with minimal problem. At the summit, I ask Tom what he thought of the ride. His response, "What a rush! Let's do it again!"
Andy Zuber, along with passenger Jeff Shelton, take their orange, BudBuilt.com decide it's time to take some more treacherous lines. Andy throttles his way up Slickrock, seesawing the steering wheel and allowing the big meats to dig into the rocks. They make it look easy.
Rob Ellis, in his red, Super Modified competition buggy flexes the suspension and tackles a few obstacles most wouldn't climb with a rope and pith helmet. Rob's style of driving just reeks of finesse. There's little throttle usage to his style of driving, which to some, can be seen as unexciting. I on the other hand enjoy watching the front and rear steering work in harmony with the BFGoodrich Krawler tires as the entire package finds the line with the most traction.
Rob Stapleton and Troy "Mr. Goodwrench & Camp Chef" Slaughter take the 4X4REVIEW.COM Jeep up the trail without as much as a single tire slip. They, along with Rob Ellis and a few others make this obstacle look easy.
Patrick Dennis in his blue tube buggy, Ed Estes in his orange '68 Bronco and Troy Slaughter in his white '91 YJ also tackle the trail with relative ease. Slickrock was dry this day, a rarity at Tellico. In talking with some of the locals, Slickrock is a completely different trail in its normal form - muddy and wet. Big tires, a heavy right foot and no fear attitudes are the ingredients for a successful run up Slickrock on any other day. There's no "crawling" this obstacle 300 plus days out of the year, it simply takes big horsepower and big meats.
Situation Assessment
At the top, we assess the time and situation. It's after 6 p.m., some of the rigs don't have headlights or taillights, project Cheap Jeep must run back down the trail with no clutch linkage and project AJ will be working in the morning to fix the overheating and alternator problems for the first few hours. Unfortunately there's no time for the renowned Schoolbus obstacle today. We'll call it a day, head back to camp and eat a quick Troy-cooked dinner.
At camp we partake in the consumption of libations, and Troy goes to work cooking up some bitchin' garlic potatoes and Filet Mignons as thick as your fist. We hang out with our newly-made friends from the trail. We spend hours lamenting on hard-core trail breakage and bragging about the tough trails we've conquered. We show each other the battle scars our rigs have suffered and compare them like war wounds. We finalize some pseudo logistical plans for tomorrows run - the Xtreme 4X4 posse will meet us at Crawford's Camp around 10 a.m. for the next day's trail run, venerable "Lower 2".
After a few more cocktails, we climb into our sleeping bags for some well-deserved rest. The sound of a running creek only a few feet away and 12 plus hours of wheeling in the burning sun has taken its toll - we're fast asleep in nothing flat.