We sleep in today, but at 8:30 a.m. Rob's watch wakes us with the same annoying beeps. I mumble something about smashing it with a heavy hammer - Troy and Rob laugh - I wonder what they think is funny.
Troy cooks breakfast fit for a king, which includes scrambled eggs, toast, crispy bacon (which Rob clearly doesn't appreciate), orange juice and fresh coffee.
We start off the day with an opportunity to do a photo shoot on the rock garden at Crawford's Camp, which is comprised of a hundred or so very large boulders, fashioned into a small, but very tough course.
| Crawford's Camp Rock Garden |
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At 9:30 Jessi Combs rolls in and tells us that it will be a few more hours before we're ready, as Ian mounts a new alternator, plumbs in a new trans cooler, moves the battery and diagnoses the overheating problems. We find ourselves spending the next two hours wrenching and welding on project Cheap Jeep. Yesterday's run has taken its toll on the aging U-bolts, clutch linkage and a few other small items. Rob Stapleton finds a trailside cure for the troublesome clutch linkage which included nothing more than some 3/8" rubber hose. As for the rest of Cheap Jeeps problems - nothing some hand tools and a RediWelder wouldn't fix, especially with Jessi's first-rate welding techniques.
At 11:30 a.m. Project AJ is buttoned up. We line up and head out to the venerable "Lower 2", the toughest trail in Tellico. It's already pushing 90 degrees and the humidity has got to be 3,896%... give or take.
The Morning Drive
Just as we head up the dirt road however, Tellico has already claimed a victim. Rob Ellis finds his Atlas transfer case is separating and it's a task that can't be fixed on the trail. In a poignant moment, Rob turns the buggy around and carefully takes it back for repairs; he won't be joining us today.
Today's run will take us up the mountains, and into areas best described as Cambodia. It's a muddy, rain forest like section of the mountain with a tree canopy so dense that sunlight struggles to make it through to the trail floor. Roots from the trees drive their way through the clay-mixed ground and protrude into the trail. Ferns and unidentifiable big-leaf plants dot the ground everywhere. The trail itself resembles a goat path, as it curves and stretches up the mountain, sometimes with several hundred foot cliff-like edges. Pucker factor for those with acrophobia is a solid ten.
| Tellico's "Cambodia-Like" Trails |
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Lower 2
At high noon we reach the beginning obstacles of Lower 2. We grab another nutritious and delicious lunch, and then formulate the plan of attack.
Lower 2 is littered with a handful of short, but exceedingly difficult runs. Most are switchback, off camber sections of the trail with rocks and boulders that swallow 37 and 39 inch tires. What I considered to be a wet, muddy trail was vehemently disputed as bone-dry. I'm quickly learning that Tellico is usually more like a rain forest than what we see.
The first hurdle we come to is a tight, off-camber, double switchback and it's scattered with giant rocks. It's wet and muddy (at least in my mind), and there's no bypass. The easiest line takes you initially on the right side, but you have to swing far to the left on the outside of the turn, leaving you with only an opportunity to mash the gas pedal and hang on. Even the easiest line is utterly brutal.
Project AJ, with the help of Rob Stapleton's spotting techniques, finally gets to fully attack a difficult obstacle. Ian follows Rob's spotting instructions well, but is forced to take multiple runs at the same couple patches of boulders at varying angles and lines. The aluminum-tubbed Jeep flexes and throttles its way up and through the rocks in timeless Tellico fashion.
Next in the lineup is the 4X4REVIEW.COM Jeep with Rob Stapleton at the helm, and with no spotter. Rob's 'art of bump' driving style progresses well on this section. There's a fair amount of tire spin here, but the Krawlers sling the mud and bite the rocks.
| Project AJ & the 4X4REVIEW.COM Jeep |
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Jessi Combs has been chomping at the bit for at least 20 minutes and it's now her turn. Automatic transmissions are best suited for this section of the trail, so Jessi knows she has her work cut out for her, and it's time to test Rob's clutch-linkage trail fix. With a convulsive right foot and some clutch-dumping action, Cheap Jeep bounces and mashes its way to triumph over this section too.
Andy Zuber takes his orange tube-buggy up the far right side. The wet, undercut ledges push Andy's rig skyward, and the engine starts spewing white-blue smoke everywhere. Mosquitoes, flying bugs and human-like creatures find themselves hacking up a lung, but there's no running away from this fight. A slight modification to the driving line and this time it's the tires that are smoking, and with the engine nearly at redline, he makes it too.
Ken Carter takes his '98 Cherokee up a difficult line, but this obstacle can't keep him at bay. The wheelbase of the Cherokee suppresses each set of boulders and walks his way to victory.
The Meteor Shower
The next segment of tough trail we hit, I loving refer to as "meteor shower". It's a fantastically steep, very long run of tire-sized boulders that pitches Jeeps and buggies in all directions. Making this run requires a complete lack of one's self-preservation, a situational-aware spotter and juevos the size of cannon balls. Smack dab in the middle of this segment is an off-camber run with a steep, undercut waterfall cliff. Perfect for shooting the driver's side front tire some 5-6 feet skyward.
Troy Slaughter leads this obstacle with his YJ, while Jessi Combs provides spotting assistance. This is likely the most technical section we've seen yet. The waterfall cliff can be avoided, but where's the fun in that?
Ian Johnson, with his 5-point harness cinched tight, and not to be outdone, decides to take the most extreme line. His driver's front tire lofts high enough for me to walk underneath it. I dart from side to side to snap off 30 or so photos and we urge Ian to try it over and over again. Ian complies and Moe, the camera man for Xtreme 4X4 TV and I go to work capturing the moment. After 5 or so passes at the waterfall ledge, we finally let Ian pass so he can check his shorts.
Rob's up once again in his competition Jeep. Jessi is feeling her oats and promptly jumps in to spot him, and to identify the line that will work best for her Jeep too. The 4X4REVIEW Jeep struggles getting the same line that rocketed project AJ, but instead crawls it in record time. I tell Jessi it's her pro-spotter techniques, then secretly tell Rob it was his pro-driving skills.
This is a tough run for the Cheap Jeep and the lunchbox lockers work intermittently at best. Opposing tires spin with furious speed and the front Revolver shackles twist and bend in ways they shouldn't. It's late in the day, and it's the second to last obstacle we'll do for this trip. Armed with this knowledge, Jessi uses her aggressive driving style to rock and roll her way past the nasties.
The Final Obstacle
The last section of lower two can be as hard as you want to make it. There are a few cheaters lines but they are gnarly too. This section is, for the most part, fairly level, but steep and strewn with massive boulders that have apparently been placed strategically by some extraterrestrial force that will push the best built rigs to their limits. Several of these boulders are as big as the rigs themselves, and they are undercut so much that they gobble up 39-inch tires. This section is daunting, offers little traction and zero tolerance for driver error.
The 4X4REVIEW Jeep attacks this section of the trail first and several drivers and spotters crowd around to watch his line. Rob has been the "Jeep to watch" for most of the drivers today and especially now, since it is getting so late.
Jessi is next and her aggressive driving style has served her well so far. It works well about ¾ of the way up, until the rear-most ujoint on the rear driveshaft explodes with ferocity, taking the rear axle yolk with it. Cheap Jeep is near the top, but there's still 50 or so yards left. It's now off-camber, precarious and really steep - we don't have the parts to fix it, and there's no chance of it making it under its own power. Instead, Cheap Jeep is the first and only rig that will 'take the rope' on our trip. Over the next few moments I find myself wedging Troy's YJ in the rocks and spooling out the cable. Thirty minutes of winching and we rescue Cheap Jeep from its certain rocky tomb.
There's now less than an hour of any semblance of daylight left, so there's no time to play on the rocks. Everyone pitches in to get the rigs to finish Lower 2 and at the top of the trail and we converge, then head back to the trail head to load up and regroup at Crawford's Camp.
The Celebratory Evening
By the time all of us make it back to camp, we find that Steve Crawford, owner of
Crawford's Camp, has played gracious host to our celebration by providing us with an already-lit campfire and extra fire wood.
Camp cook Troy begins his cooking duties and starts cooking steaks, burgers, chicken and hot dogs for the crew of weary but energized off-roaders. Troy's cooking for nearly 30 people and the feast we dine on is one that would even make Julia Child proud.
To stave off the hungry natives, I fire up the ol' laptop and projector and take our friends down memory lane by shooting pictures of the last few days onto a large white tarp. The restless natives are pacified as we consume cocktails and flip through 300 or so of the pictures I took.
Tom Spychalski, director and producer of Xtreme 4X4, gives us a special treat. He reveals a few uncut episodes of Xtreme 4X4 and some hidden footage, found in the archives, of Rob Stapleton's audition for Xtreme 4X4 TV.
We spend the next several hours shooting the breeze and having a great time, but it is nearly midnight and the masses, with their bellies full, decide it's time to call it an evening.
Our mission here at Tellico is accomplished. We've wheeled some of the toughest trails in the southeast, we've filmed an entire TV episode and we've had an incredible time.
The next morning we part ways with our friends, tear down camp and head to our respective homes.
There's always next year!